


Seriously, Derek?

by cassakleia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Stiles Has a Crush on Derek, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-28
Packaged: 2018-03-26 04:04:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3836341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassakleia/pseuds/cassakleia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Not a da—are you serious? This isn't as dangerous as our usual Saturday night, but I'm human. Sorry not all of us have amazing Wolverine healing powers. This is a dangerous situation for me! I could get shot!”<br/>“You won't get shot.”<br/>“Oh, I didn't realize being a werewolf came with clairvoyance now. What else is going to happen, Derek? What lottery numbers should I pick?”</p>
<p>Or: Derek and Stiles have a nice conversation while waiting for the cops.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seriously, Derek?

**Author's Note:**

> This was a speed writing exercise, so apologies if it's really scattered. I also ran out of time because I'm a slow writer, but I hope you enjoy it in all its crazy glory.
> 
> The prompt was "hostages."

All Stiles had needed was more almond butter. Because, first of all, it was delicious. But, more importantly, he needed it to make this awesome recipe he found for caramel almond butter cups. The dumbest thing about it was that Stiles hadn't actually run out of the stuff, but a certain stupid werewolf (Scott) complained until Stiles caved to his request to make enough for Stiles, Stiles' dad, and Scott. And after Allison found out, she sweetly asked for some, too. Then Isaac wanted to try them. Then Erica not-so-subtly threatened him for some. You can see where this is going.  


Anyway, Stiles and his very amazing self went to get more almond butter because, shocker, he didn't have enough to feed a pack of ravenous wolves. Stiles had been standing in the checkout line before he spotted Derek, and he couldn't not talk to Derek. Stiles had to see the mighty alpha glaring groceries into submission. And maybe if Stiles just wanted to see Derek and talk to him, well. Derek didn't have to know. Derek could just keep on assuming that Stiles only talked to him to laugh at him. In fact, Stiles desperately hoped that Derek believed that, because the last thing Stiles needed was for Derek to acknowledge his feelings in some horribly embarrassing way.  


Looking back, Stiles wished he hadn't stopped to talk to Derek. Otherwise, he would have been out of the store before the people with guns came in, and seriously? Who robs a grocery store? Especially such a small one. Ugh, amateurs. But, wait, back to the original point: this was all Derek's fault.  


“This is all your fault,” Stiles said.  


Derek raised an eyebrow. It was a very good look on him, but what wasn't? Stiles couldn't focus on that right now anyway, because he had to glare at Derek.  


“How is this my fault?”  


Stiles kept up his glare. It was probably at 45% efficiency. Maybe Stiles should ask Derek for glaring tips. But after he thoroughly scolded him.  


“You let them in!”  


“You figured it out,” Derek said with a perfect poker face, “I was the inside man.”  


Stiles gave up on glaring to laugh. Glaring wasn't worth missing out on a chance to laugh at Derek's jokes. Wait.  


“You are joking, right?”  


Someone probably created the word exasperated after seeing Derek's face. No one did exasperated quite like Derek.  


But then suddenly the robbers were in their aisle, screaming at everyone to get down, hold their hands where you can see them, etc. Stiles' mind finally caught up to exactly what situation he was in, and once his mind got it, his body did, too. He felt the adrenaline rush, along with a wave of nausea and jitters. His heart started beating faster than it had been, and he'd been talking to his major crush, so probably not a healthy heart rate.  


“Stiles,” Derek's voice reached him, even though Stiles couldn't see him from his keep-your-face-down-and-get-on-the-floor position, “Stiles. Calm down.”  


“Calm down!? Calm down, are you kidding me, Derek Hale?”  


Normally, Stiles would imagine the different expressions something like that would put on Derek's face. His current favorite expression for Derek (besides his best guesses at the NSFW ones, which he tried to not think about for several reasons) was the I-can't-believe-that-even-came-out-of-your-mouth one. Who knows what expression Derek had, though, because Stiles was too panicky to play that game.  


“Fear won't help right now.”  


And Stiles was already over that, even though it was only like, the first thing Derek said about it.  


“Oh, excuse me for overreacting to a hostage situation. I can't believe I left my tea set at home, now I can't offer it to the people who, in case you haven't noticed, _have taken us hostage!_ ”  


Stiles panted after that, and Derek didn't say anything for a long time. Well, probably a short time, but Stiles was in no position to count the seconds.  


“... You calmed down. From yelling at me.”  


Stiles did an excellent fish impression at the floor.  


“Wh—shut up! I did not calm down from yelling at you, I just,” Stiles could not think of what to finish up that just with, so onto the next pressing topic. “Anyway, how are you not freaking out? We've been taken hostage by hunters!”  


“They're not hunters.”  
“Witches, then?”  
“No.”  


“Another pack?”  


“No.”  


“...evil cannibal shapeshifters?”  


“N—what? No.”  


“You can't be saying what I think you're saying.”  


“Stiles.”  


Derek used a very familiar tone, the one that meant Stiles better get it together soon or someone was getting thrown against a wall. And that someone was usually Stiles.  


“You mean to tell me,” Stiles said slowly, “that we've been taken hostage by completely ordinary humans?”  


Derek closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which, hey. Better than being thrown against a wall. Though Stiles wasn't completely sure how Derek would throw him against a wall right now. If he really wanted to, Stiles is sure he'd find a way. Especially since Derek probably couldn't care less about being taken hostage by ordinary humans. What's a gun to a werewolf? Nothing, that's what. An annoyance. Like a splinter.  


“I can't believe, of all the things to happen today, that we've been taken hostage by humans. Just, we have achieved the ultimate level of lame, do you understand? Everyone in the pack will laugh when they hear about this.”  


“Stiles, shut _up._ ”  


“I will not shut up. Actually, I'm not really sure if I can shut up. Like, in a dangerous situation that might not even be possible.”  


“It's not a dangerous situation.”  


“Not a da—are you serious? This isn't as dangerous as our usual Saturday night, but I'm human. Sorry not all of us have amazing Wolverine healing powers. This is a dangerous situation for me! I could get shot!”  


“You won't get shot.”  


“Oh, I didn't realize being a werewolf came with clairvoyance now. What else is going to happen, Derek? What lottery numbers should I pick?”  


Derek huffed. Stiles really wished he could turn his head to look at Derek, because even in a hostage situation Stiles wanted to see his face. After this, Stiles would make a list of his priorities and try to figure out where he went wrong.  


“Stiles, you won't get shot because I would take the bullet for you.”  


And Stiles—he knew it was dumb, okay? Logically, he knew that taking a bullet for someone didn't mean as much to a werewolf as it did to a human. But it still kickstarted his heart again. Which, huh, it turns out arguing with Derek does calm him down. Derek took him so off-guard that Stiles ended up saying something serious.  


“Even a werewolf can't outrun a bullet.”  


He wanted to take it back, because Stiles liked his role as comic relief. Even though he complained a lot, he loved being sarcastic in the face of danger. But of all people to say something like that to, he thought maybe Derek was not the best choice. Like, maybe he should not remind Derek of his general frailty and humanity. And, more importantly, Derek probably doesn't need a reminder on how he can't save everyone. Even from humans, or maybe especially from humans. But also maybe Stiles was over-thinking this, and Derek doesn't care at all.  


Stiles never found out, because after that the police busted in.


End file.
